Saturday, December 14, 2013

Ultrasound bleed

Hello everyone,
In case you missed Monday's total FREAK OUT!  I experienced a gush of bright red blood and light spotting since.  Today was the first day that I could get back home to see our RE for an ultrasound.  I want to thank everyone who commented on my last really was reassuring to hear that bleeding can be "normal" in early pregnancy.

And without unnecessary build up....everything is still good/fine/great.  We say the little blobby on the screen and even got to see and HEAR the heartbeat (125/min).  Things were measuring right on track....and we could not be more relieved.  They did identify a very small subchorionic hemorrhage which are more common with IVF/FET pregnancies.  It was such a tough week of waiting...with my permanent lady diaper and constant back and fourths to the bathroom.

I feel like I can finally take a deep breath for a minute.....  We even made a semi-first purchase.  Once we found out we were pregnant I went to the bin where I'd been storing testing supplies, medications, and books.  Well.....I guess at some point I became really frustrated about the "pregnancy books" that I'd bought 2.5 yrs ago and must have taken them back to the book resale store.  SOOOO...HB and went and bought some new (used) ones today.  HB even found a few books like "Dude, You're Going to be a Dad, How to get through the next 9 months".

We're so happy to be here.  I'm still afraid...but also just enjoying today...because today we're 7wks pregnant and saw our little growing baby's heartbeat.  This is really happening!  We're having dinner with a friend tonight...and she'll probably be the first person that we tell (because she's been my cry shoulder though so much of this and knew our exact transfer she's wanting some answers!)

And as an interesting aside I went to the resolve meeting over this past week.  Since winter the group has been shrinking to a few "regulars".  At this particular meeting it was me, 2 regulars.  How about all three of us "regulars" are newly pregnant!  Unbelievable!!  I could not be more excited for all of us.  One lady it took 2 IUIs but the whom I've gotten closer, has experienced three previous miscarriages.  So needless to say...she's beyond petrafied.  Her story made put my "brief bleed" in perspective even more.  I'm praying so hard for the Resolve ladies and all of the you blogger friends!

Next ultrasound is still scheduled for Christmas Eve which point we'd be 8.5 weeks and we will consider slowly sharing the good news with're enjoying today!!! :o)

Monday, December 9, 2013

Because it wasn’t’ stressful enough…apparently

2.5 years of infertility to finally get our first BFP on our final FET (#3) and have a first beta doubling time of 76 hours…apparently it just wasn't stressful enough.  Because today I had a gush of bright red blood that soaked right through my scrub pants (which are rather thin to begin with).  I was at work and felt it happen but hoped it was the clear/lotion fluid that I’ve been experiencing this whole time.  I went to a bathroom as quickly and possible to discover that no….this time it was blood.  So I frantically changed scrub pants, found a pad, and wrapped my undies (happy Monday to me).  I had very fait cramps when this happened (like 1/10 on the pain scale).  The RE that had done the ultrasound last Friday had said that bleeding is actually very common in IVF pregnancies and that not be concerned unless it was bright red and accompanied by serious midline cramps (one out of two). 

So I emailed the RE and within a few hours she called back.  Basically she reassured me that this IS not uncommon in IVF pregnancies because all of the estrogen really builds up the endometrium and little bits can come off and present as bleeding.  She would like to do an ultrasound for reassurance but of course because I work 1.5 hours away and can’t really take any more time off….I can’t even do an ultrasound until Saturday.  So now I have a 7 week ultrasound scheduled.  If things are going badly…there is nothing that can be done medically to prevent a miscarriage.  My RE also said that because bleeding is more common during an IVF pregnancy that it is much less concerning than bleeding in a spontaneously conceived pregnancy.  It was reassuring to speak with her about it….but needless to say…the stress hormones have already been released.  I am just to “take it easy” and stay hydrated.  I don’t even get to go to my real home until Friday because I’m staying with my friend while working 1.5 hours away.  I just want to curl up, go to sleep and wake up to find that it’s Saturday and we get an encouraging ultrasound.  I wish there was some way to constantly monitor the growing fetus…maybe some sort of ultrasound app?

So the rest of my day has consisted of cycling through various bathrooms as frequently as possible without seeming like a total psycho here at work.  It seems that there have just been a few dribbles after the initial gush. In levels of irony…it had even occurred to me how fortunate I was feeling not to have any bleeding…because “that would send me over the edge”.  I guess I have a new edge now....and I get to wake up and repeat the bathroom paranoid shuffle until Saturday! 

So here we are at 6wks3days….finding it hard to not fear the worst but still hoping so much for a positive outcome from all of this!

Friday, December 6, 2013

1st Ultrasound Results = 1 IUP

Just a very quick update.....things look good!!!  We have single intra-uterine pregnancy (so that's 3 embryos transferred and one that has fortunately nuzzled in).  I had the same doc that had done the transfer perform the ultrasound.  He calculated the conception date backwards from the transfer basically we're really only 5wks 6 days and the gestational sac measured at 5wks 5days which he was happy with.  He also saw the yolk sac (yippie).  I'm good with that...but when I had been calcuationg from last menstrual period I would have been 6wks 1 day.

I was asking tons of questions that he mostly gave vague answers to because it's still so early on.  He said seeing the gestational and yolk sac are great and "anything else is a bonus".  We even say the faintest of flickers that I eventually cornered the doc into agreeing was the heartbeat.......  It was so faint which is normal for this gestational time.  And now...we wait another 18 days for ultrasound will be the day before Christmas.  WOW!

I've said before how amazing our clinic is......the lab tech that I'd had such a meaningful conversation with on transfer day was there.  She saw us before and after and celebrated the outcome.  Then one of the nursing assistants whose worked the closest with our case called us to reschedule US#2 a bit later in the day so that she could be there with us.  AMAZING.

And CONGRATULATIONS to all the ladies with BFP on the blogger network right now....let's continue the positive trend!!!

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

A ray of light amidst the waiting....

Hello everyone,
I hope that everyone is doing great.  I feel like there is SO much happening in the blogger network right now.

So today is Wednesday….and our first (6wk 1d) ultrasound is Friday.  Needless to say…time is crawling by and sometimes standing still.  I’ve read similar sentiments before on other blogger’s posts and wished so badly to be in that situation….and luckily here I am.  My emotional state is vacillating between cautious optimism and all out panic (this is normal—right?).   I just keep taking one day at a time.  Today’s grand goal = get through today! I really really wish that I had asked for a forth beta hcg….so at least I could have yet another data point to obsess over.  Pregnancy symptoms while mild, are consistently present = sore boobs, abdominal/pelvic fullness, and a few twinges now and then.  It’s been nice to revel in the week and just think “wow…we’re pregnant” (in between of scaring myself to death with all of the possible outcomes from this ultrasound on Friday).

Amidst all of the stress and fear and waiting….a ray of light.  The birth of our first niece!  The beautiful Baby E arrived yesterday at 7lb 8oz.  I was so elated for my brother and sister-in-law that my own perils hardly registered (thankfully).  Seeing my brother tear up as he holds his new born daughter makes me remember how every child is a miracle.  I want so badly to provide that for HB.  This is the first child to be born into our family in 13 years…so it’s a huge deal.  My parents are now officially grandparents.  This is a joy that I had wanted to bestow upon them but I’m still overjoyed that they get to experience it….regardless of how.  I am an Aunt…HB is an Uncle (first for both) and we've already been designated as the legal “god-parents”!  My ray of light dimmed a bit today when I told co-workers I was a new Aunt….and got questioned directly about “do we want kids?”  Can’t I just enjoy this moment?

Something else occurred to me as I watched my brother.  The nurse had come in to check out Baby E and give her the first feeding to make sure there were no problems.  The whole time the post-partum nurse (who’s probably done the same thing 100’s of times) was holding E my new-father brother had his hand out beside his new daughter….fearful that she might fall or wobble or get away from the nurse.  I took a picture of the scene with the baby and my brother’s hand.  As I looked back over the picture it occurred to me….in the process of having children it seems that the fear NEVER really goes away.  I’m guessing that it changes forms over time.  But as we sit here now…fearful/concerned/stressed about seeing a heartbeat I realize that this is just the beginning of what it means to have a child (or at least I hope that it’s the beginning).  However, I do think that infertiles are on the fear/concern/stress train earlier…and a LOT longer than the average parents. 

So while I continue to beg/plead/pray/bargain with the universe and God to become a mother….yesterday….I just got to enjoy the warmth of my newborn niece….and for this I am grateful.  That’s it for me until Friday…..please send prayers/luck/blessings/super powers our way…ANYTHING….that might make this happen for us.