The past six months I’ve just kept thinking “oh I’ll be pregnant by then” (pre IVF and FET fails). It gets even better…when we first started TTC I actually thought I’d have given birth to a baby before I had to start this out of town job. Hahahaha (manic laughter). Really I thought that. I don’t think that way anymore. If the holy grail of IVF didn’t work...I sometimes worry….maybe we’re just F@*KED. I don’t WANT to think this way…I don’t LIKE to think this way…but with NO real diagnosis and two huge strikes against us it’s hard to get too hopeful (thanks Debbie Downer). I know a lot of it is self-defense. My pattern is always to get exuberantly excited the first time I try something “new”. First clomid + TI, first IUI, fresh IVF, first FET…totally excited. But after that…I don’t get so excited by doing the same thing again and expecting a different result. And “yes” of course…I know that part of it is a “numbers game”…but with that logic…I shouldn’t even BE is this position.
So…where am I going to live for a year? I can’t really afford to establish a second home/apartment, even for a year. I “could” have a 3 hour daily commute…doesn’t that sound like fun. I have another great friend (A) who’s put an offer in on a house in the neighboring town. She’s in a dating relationship, and therefore it’s super unlikely that there will be a newborn living at her house (never say never). But right now don’t know what I’m going to do. Too bad ignoring your problems don’t make them go away. :o)